Ugh, Real Christmas at the Masonic Temple is such a bore.
Putting our $ in ¥… $=dicks, ¥=yr mom
Damn yo, the coal tycoons’ christmas party this year must have raised sea-level like a half-inch at least. Naughty! lol
Should have waited until AFTER the x-mas joust to test the ostrich egg-nog on the ostriches.
Dude keeps a 30-rack of replacement Robo-Cindy McCain heads on full stand-by for Russian Roulette or erections lasting over four hours.
Getting stoned with the dude who does the maintenance on Robo-Cindy McCain.
Dubai is so ghetto now.
Thank God for butt-flaps, dogg; real ermines must sweat their nuts off.
Shit, Dallas F.A.T. and The H.A.T. boy bois isn’t a real band either. It’s going to be kind of a bitch getting all these advances back.
A lot of Suge Knight’s business advice seems really impractical.
Wait, there isn’t a band called TeXXXa$$ tRu & tha Had Sex Cru? Our record label is off to a rough start.
Got the new satellite link; Wii bowling with our homies up at the space station.
Special edition Nike diamond ice skates just came through, going ice gliding in a minute with Stephen Colbert.
Is a freeze-ray a funny housewarming present for an ice fortress?
The luge is full :( Jumping on the toboggan with the entourage :(
Frozen margarita night at Alcor
Those nerds from Mythbusters actually played it pretty cool at the crib, until we showed them the minotaur.
Shit, just spent 4 hours watching dust mites fuck through this electron microscope.
Watching the A Charlie Brown Christmas: The Schultz Edit on VHS. So far, Linus has said “motherfucker” twice.
This dude says he can get us the original cut of A Charlie Brown’s Christmas, “from before the squares at the MPAA got through with it.”
Torquing our quads.
Traded the Bentley in for a double decker bus.
Wait, why does Oprah’s bathtub have wheels?
Jesus Christ, how did we get all these machetes into the White House guest room?
Shit, Alicia Keys has the worst weed, seriously.
Why does Rove always make his eunochs take their junk out in the middle of brunch?
RT @thisrecording: I want to discuss the new ‘secret’ twitter account Lohan started just to further vent on Sam Ron, but I don’t want he …
Shit, I think Marlon Wayans thinks his costume from G.I.Joe is real.
It seems wrong for this manatee shirt to have long sleeves.
Owen Wilson’s manatee farm is relaxing, but the food is fucking terrible.
Going golfing with Michael Steele.
Wait, our voter registration is Log Cabin Republican?
You form a weird bond with the dude across from you on a bio-engineered pleasure octopus. Adam Ant and Martin Lawrence are like BFF now.
Amy Winehouse says she tried genital circumcision and it’s “no big deal.” Her game has gotten straight up desparate since Lady GaGa blew up.
It feels like almost half the people we’ve partied with in Africa aren’t very excited about World AIDS Day at all.
Magic really took our World AIDS Day prank the wrong way.