our new t-shirts woven from the hair of Icelandic virgins just arrived
Anyone know a good, non-Haitian witch doctor? Lately our guy’s voodoo has been all sad.
Helping Fabio set up his iTunes store.
We converted the furnace to clean coal forever ago. It’s just diamonds, right?
Cutting out the bottom of the Bentley, going to try Fred Flintstone-ing it.
Oh great, Warren Buffett just ate an entire thing of Pringles, now he won’t stop crying.
Shit, they won’t let us land the chopper in the McDonalds parking lot. Going to need to get something, Diddy only serves “nutrient sacs.”
It’s going to be a real bitch getting all this jello out of Lou Reed’s pool.
remember that chump who ragged me out cuz his watch was bigger than mine? fuck him, I just bought a clock tower, gold plating it right now.
Ayla Brown said she’d ridden a mechanical bull before!! Wait, is ours mechanical or bionic?
Man, Jay Leno’s yacht is really empty right now. And he’s driving it so fast.
Crap, why does David Vitter think we want to see his collection of “vintage erotica.”
Kind of hard to talk about sobriety when you’re completely wasted.
It’s funny how Jay-Z says “BROOKLYN” every time he bets against the Harlem Globetrotters.
Doing crunches with Matt Damon.
Ouch, Will Ferrell is really bad at hang gliding.
What? It’s 2010? I guess fucking Gwyneth Paltrow can’t actually tell the date by the stars.
Shit, got my robes tangled up with Laura Ingram at The Ceremony.