April 2010
41 posts
LeBron, throw a javelin at this asshole.
New Orleans has a lot less love these days for our hurricane cannon.
Forget your new pyramid. No one cares how much you won betting on tiger polo. Bioluminescent dogs will be over in a year. Friendship. :)
Memo to the crew: What we said before about Latvian ballerinas obviously does not apply to Vidaga and Dziedra.
It’s all about friendship. Not money or fame. Our diamond collection. Models. Not even that fresco we stole from the Vatican. Friendship. :)
Forget submarines, Latvian ballerinas, platinum. Chinchilla suits? Ruined with Cristal each night. Friendship? Eternal. :)
Ruffalo’s bungalow is overrun with Juggalos.
Sex-Mex? Is that even a thing?
Doing crunches with Matt Damon.
Photobombing your mom’s colonoscopy.
Getting open heart surgery, ‘cuz Burt Reynolds said it was expensive.
Blowing off Earth Day on the moon base.
Note: Saddam’s private bathrooms are no longer all that private.
Whale riding is actually not nearly as bad as Keanu said it was going to be.
Jesus Christ, nice parking job ALL THE SUBS IN LISBON.
Citibank finally hooked up the $5,000 fast-cash for us.
Forgot to feed the human chess set.
Wish Posh Spice would stop responding to our Craigslist posts about soccer moms.
Scotch body shots taste wrong off boobs older than the bottle.
Memo to the crew: There is no “I” in “Street Team,” “Backup Dancers,” or “Gangbang.”
Memo to the crew: Kareeem now has permission to shoot you in the nutsack if you try to pronounce the third ‘e.’
A millionaire and a rich guy walk into a McDonald’s…
What do you call two millionaires fighting over a chicken bone?
What’s the millionaire word for “toothbrush”?
How can you tell when a millionaire has been screwing your dog?
Prince Al Saud is telling the illest millionaire jokes.
Skeet-shooting our own clone babies with Jimmy Eat World.
Kryptonite breath mints taste like lost pennies, but munching superbox is awesome.
Fired the maid for not scrubbing the sides of the bottomless pit.
Connery just cost us the game. You can’t hit a softball with your penis, man.
Hey, babez, you want we can lazer that 4 u?
Oh shit, that was a sex swing.
Practicing our four-part harmonies.
Kato Kaelin is only allowed to speak to us in Esperanto.
Doing crunches with Matt Damon.
Where does Glenn Beck even score quaaludes still? Please say these aren’t homemade.
If we’d have known Eddie Money was gonna be such a bitch about a little pee splash, we’d have had someone else hold the Ming vase.
Can somebody please tell us what the age of consent is in outer space right now?
Taking a tour of Eric Cantor’s sex dungeon. Let’s just say “Minority Whip” is probably just a little too apt.
Awesome, the Norwegian ice for the urinals just arrived.
The bouncer in this champagne room doesn’t seem to understand the phrase “diplomatic immunity.”
March 2010
30 posts
We always tip siamese twins.
